Metric Tools

I LIKE THIS RADIATION THING MORE THAN CHEMO:  Radiation is an absolute walk in the park compared to chemo.  I was in and out in 30 minutes this morning; subsequent treatments will require less time because I won't have to get x-rays to make sure the positioning is correct.

Positioning is the biggest part of the whole deal.  The radiation techs take about 10 minutes making sure I'm in precisely the correct position so as to minimize collateral damage.  One of the techs spent a little while searching for a tattoo on my right axilla.  I let this go for a while before I thought better of it and figured we should all agree on radiating the correct side of my body before anybody turned the machine on. 

At the very least, radiation gives much more credence to the "fighting cancer" meme, if only because you get to SHOOT FRICKIN' LASER BEAMS at the cancer until it dies.  Much more awesome than the chemical-warfare slow drip of the chemo regimen.  Although there's a certain nervousness instilled in the patient when all the techs flee the room before they turn the machine on. 

One down.  Fourteen to go.

AT LEAST THE HOT DOG BAN HAS BEEN LIFTED:  As you can guess - and as I've mentioned here before - I'm not the only one "battling" cancer.  My family has to deal with this pretty much every day as well, and sometimes, I think they have an even more difficult job because it's so hard to know exactly how I feel or what I think.  But many of you have asked how my family is doing with all this, and to tell you the truth, they're not doing so well.  But not because of the cancer.  Because of the furniture. For example:

• My grandmother is "sick to her stomach" and "hasn't been able to sleep in days" because...she was afraid that the furniture company would not be able to deliver the couch before I moved to DC.  
• My mother is concerned about Ikea furniture because they are a Swedish company and assembling their furniture will probably require "metric tools"* that apparently do not exist here in the States.  I assume this was a joke, but it was too good not to put on the internet.  Sorry mom.  Don't spit in my food. 

For what it's worth, my father is a few days away from inspiring me to pick up a camera and turn him into a YouTube sensation with a video entitled "Aging Libertarian Baby Boomer Yells at Chuck Todd and Bill O'Reilly On TV With Nobody Else In the Room." 

Really though, everyone around here is great and doing well and unless somebody is crying in their room when I'm not around, everyone has been pretty stable.  I prefer people worry about the furniture rather than me.

*(In her defense, metric tools actually exist.  I thought she made up the phrase at the time.  I think it's unlikely that Ikea has been successful by making their furniture impossible for Americans to assemble.  But probably true.  In any event, I won't be assembling it.  Thanks friends who are helping us move into our apartment in DC!!). 

SCREW LAW, I'M JUST GOING TO HELP JOURNALISTS WRITE NON-CRAPPY ARTICLES:  From the top of the front page of detnews.com all afternoon, glorious news!  Report: Auto bailout saved more than 1.4 million jobs.  The goods:

The government's bailout program for General Motors, Chrysler and other automotive firms saved more than 1.4 million jobs, according to a study by the Ann Arbor-based Center for Automotive Research.

Wow!  That's wonderful news!  It's nice to see some solid research by an independent firm...

Oh.  Protip for the Detroit News:  Critical reporting on the government does not include copying and pasting parts of their press release and lifting a quote from a czar.  Although in their defense, what I did required the use of advanced technology called "Google" and about three minutes of my time.  This is tough stuff.

Also, I fixed your lede for you, Detroit News:

The government's bailout program for the government saved more than 1.4 million jobs, according to the government.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THIS IS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY GOOD:  And all of those "really's" were justified.

Truck Accident That Killed Rafters in Canyon Sparks Truck-Canyon-Rafter Reform Debate

For those of who who aren't familiar with The Onion: The Onion is a satirical news site.  So no, a gasoline tanker did not hit a rock in the Grand Canyon and then plummet onto a group of rafters down below.  

But this video perfectly captures a major component of politics and "debate" in this country.  This is the Four Loko fiasco in video form.