- Random Bolding? Yup.
- RANDOM CAPITALIZATION? YAHHHHHHH!
- The phrases "you must" and "DO NOT" scattered about the document? Check.
- What appears to be a random block quote in the middle of the page for no apparent reason? Sure!
- Using long, official-sounding names for things to sound more important ("United States Postal Service")? Indeed.
Anyway, the (possibly) good news for Michigan bar applicants: Your bar exam results are in!
The bad news for Michigan bar applicants: We're not giving them to you. We're telling you we have them, but we're not going to show you. We could post them on the internet. But we are going to wait five days to do that. Because we prefer to mail them to you via "United States Postal Service." And then we're going to tell you, in bold letters, that you must wait ten business days for the delivery of your results. Why? WHY THE HELL NOT?! Because we can. Because it is actually fun for us to tell you we have your bar results on Wednesday, tell you we are mailing them, tell you to wait ten days, and then post them on the internet (with your name, so everyone knows if you didn't pass) halfway through the magical ten-day period.
This is the same state who, in 2010, has not yet figured out a way for its bar applicants to use laptops during a seven-hour exam. Hold on, let me get out my list of "things various Boards of Law Examiners have not yet figured out to deal with by 2010":
- People communicating with one another
- The Internet
This is the worst. It's as if my doctor posted a note on the internet back in July that said, "Nicholas: We have the results of your biopsy. I have sent them to you via United States Postal Service. You must wait a fortnight for the delivery of your results. If you do not receive your results, you must complete an intricate dance to appease the volcano gods, pee in your shoe and mail it to us, and promise to vote for Bob Schockman in the upcoming election."
I mean, why do this to people? My ACT results were mailed to me in 2003. The ACT people, kindly enough, didn't feel the need for me to undergo a 10-day purification process before I received them. My LSAT and MPRE results popped into my e-mail inbox at a designated time, and that was that. Mail them. E-mail them. Post them on the internet. But some bizarre combination of these things with a preemptive warning shot? When you know people are nervous as hell about this stuff?
The Bar Exam Process: Where there are million better ways to do things, and we choose the absolute worst one. Every single time.